Haters Will Always Exist

(Reflection from Nehemiah 4:1-23)

"Reflection on Leadership & Relationship"

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Should everyone be our friends? 
Isn't it natural that we have enemies? 
Is it definitely our fault if we have enemies? 

Especially Christians!!! 


False hopes will make our disappointments too big to deal with. 

In fact, not everyone will like us or want to be our friends, or want to hang out with us. 

This is a hard fact for many servants of God, who hope that everyone will like them. Even though the Lord Jesus had said the opposite (read: Matthew 10:14)! 

After read Nehemiah 4: 1-23, i keep some important principles in mind, as follows: 

# 10-10-80 Principles 

I first read about this principles in a book by James Emery White. 
(*Or you can read the short article here). 

What is the 10-10-80 principle? 

Ten percent of people will like you right away. 

They like you the minute they meet you. They love your face, your family, your life story, and your voice. And they will still like you even if yo do mistakes. You can make a mistake and be easily forgiven or understood by them. Thank God for people like that. You don't have to do much to earn their affection, and you don't have to do much to keep it. 

Then there's the 10 percent who somehow don't like you. 

They don't like you once they first meet you. They don't like your face or your voice. Your family may be considered good enough but you are not. They don't even like the style of clothes you wear. You don't do much to earn this dislike. It just happened. And there's not much you can do about it. 

That leaves 80 percent. These are the people who haven't given their rating. 

They are open to liking you, but they are waiting to see if you are right with God, have the character of being faithful and straightforward, honest and caring in your dealings with them, and diligent at work. If so, they will happily join the 10 percent of the people who like you. 


In the story of Nehemiah, two people named Sanballat and Tobiah, disliked Nehemiah even before they had met him (Nehemiah 2:10). 

# Wisdom to Overcoming Haters 

For people who don't like us, this is what we have to do: 

Forget them! Don't focus on them. 

Don't spend too much time pleasing them, because it won't work out too often. 

Befriend them as far as they allow. It is not necessary to have a target to make these people our closest friends. 

If we are too busy to trying to please people who are our "haters", then we might lose the trust of 80 percent of people who have not made up their minds on us. 

If we are too busy to answer and calm the voices of the minority of people who don't like us, 80 percent of the undecided people will start to think that what these 10 percent of minority haters might have some truth in, and may start taking their side. 

So, it's time for us to move on! 


Although these people will insult us, and even slander us. Don't get too busy with these things. 

I always remember a message of an evangelist who served in our church when I was young. She said thus: 

"Don't worry about slander from other people. Because the truth is that the only person who can successfully demonize us is ourselves. Do not be careless. Don't lose your temper. When slander was spread, people started to believe. But in the end the truth will always prevail and be open to everyone. " 


Sometimes people who don't like us will even threaten us. They expect us to submit to them out of fear with them. 

Don't be afraid. Fear God, more than man. 

Continue to do what God tells us to do faithfully. 

# It Never Means The Way Will Always Be Easy 

From the beginning of Nehemiah's story, we see God's real presence. God open ways and doors. Generosity flows from many sources. God really does work in real way. 

But that does not always mean that the journey will always be easy and smooth. Especially when "haters" started appearing and trying to change our circumstances. 


I love every time I hear the spiritual words, "God fights for us (v.19)". However, Christians often mistakenly think that because God is at war for us, we just sit there and do nothing. 

 

God's blessing never means that we don't have to work hard. 

Even the sparrows that are said to be nurtured by God, never find food coming automatically to their nest. The birds need to get out of the nest and look for food. 

In the story of Nehemiah, it is said that they had to build a wall with one hand to work on the construction, while holding the weapon with the other (v. 17). They even working very hard and keeping watch late into the night (v. 21). 

God's inclusion was also evidently through the wisdom God gave them in times of difficulty and stress. 

Through the extra physical endurance we need in difficult times. 
Through real support from the people closest to us.

 

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Read also: Unity Doesn't Have To Be In Uniform